What a 10 lb Weight Taught Me About Walking with FND
Nobody walks into physical therapy expecting to discover something exciting.
But that's exactly what happened. Living with FND (Functional Neurological Disorder) has changed the way I walk. On good days, when I am not using a wheelchair or a walker, I describe my gait as the "drunk stagger walk." My physical therapist simply calls it the "Rachel walk."
For the past several years, we've been working together to figure out ways to distract my brain so that I can walk more normally. FND affects the way my brain sends and receives signals, so physical therapy often involves a lot of experimentation. We are constantly trying new techniques, looking for anything that might help.
Last week, my therapist decided to try something different.
He noticed that I tend to lean to the right when I walk, although sometimes I lean to the left as well. As an experiment, he strapped a 10-pound ankle weight to my left leg and took me outside to walk.
To my surprise, it worked.
With the weight on my ankle, I was able to walk normally. The "drunk stagger walk" disappeared. My steps felt smoother and more controlled.
Next, we moved the weight to my right ankle. I struggled a little more with it on that side, but even then my gait was noticeably better than when I had arrived.
I was amazed.
The first thing I did when I got home was order my own set of ankle weights so I could continue practicing between therapy sessions. The second thing I did was take a four-hour nap.
Apparently, walking correctly takes a lot of energy when your brain has been doing things differently for several years.
Living with chronic illness or disability can be frustrating. There are seasons when our bodies don't cooperate. Times when progress feels impossible. Days when simply making it through the day takes more effort than most people realize.
What this experience reminded me is that progress doesn't always come in dramatic ways.
Sometimes it arrives in the form of a 10-pound ankle weight.
Sometimes it comes through a therapist who refuses to give up.
And sometimes it comes through years of trying different things until one finally works.
Will ankle weights solve all of my walking challenges? Probably not.
But for one afternoon, they gave me a glimpse of what progress could look like.
And that brought me a little joy.
Along this journey with FND, I'm learning to celebrate the small victories. The moments that remind me that progress is still possible.
Last week, a 10-pound weight was one of those moments.
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